Sometimes I wonder...
I think about my past and wonder why I have such a hard time trusting people. It's like one minute I'm fine, then the next I fall into distrust. I just want to be able to not have these burning doubts in my heart about people's intentions.
For one second I would like to have peace in my heart about relationships where I have no reason to believe that something is wrong. The problem is I get this idea in my head and then I have a reason to believe that something truly is wrong.
My biggest struggle is when I don't hear from someone. I take the smallest instances and blow them out of proportion.
Where does this come from?
I believe it is a seed rooted in rejection. That is exactly what I feel in those moments: fear of rejection.
What would it be like to let go?
To give over control?
Could I throw up my hands and allow the cool breeze of freedom to roll over my hands? Watch my cares drift away until they become delicate specks on the horizon?
Then would He reach for me?
I'd see my Father, arms outstretched to pick me up.
That's where I long to be.
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