Challenges.

I am happy.

I promise.

But as you look at me you question it.

It's just hard when everyone else seems to have no difficulty enjoying themselves. I mean it shouldn't be hard to dance, and it's not that I don't have rhythm... it's just hard for me to focus and stay interested. Every time I jump up to join everyone I try my hardest to keep going, to seem like I'm having just as much fun, but it doesn't come as easy for me.

I force a smile to let you know I'm okay. Then I return to the table to watch from afar.

It wasn't always this way. I used to be a life-of-the-party type. I would have energy and confidence, and I didn't have to think things through. Now it seems as though every move must be carefully planned in this situation. I'm fine until I am surrounded by the crowd and the music blares.

Sometimes I just wish I could enjoy dancing again. I wish I could be as carefree as the others on the dancefloor. Why does something so simple have to be so difficult?

I still would never take back the struggles that I've faced but I just wish that the "me" that feels so deeply hidden inside would have its chance to spring forth and blossom, to return to its splendor.