I trusted you.

"Well you built up a world of magic... because your real life is tragic."

For some reason, lately...
Songs have been permeating my soul.

They seem more real than they have ever been.
My emotions raging...
"threatening the life they belong to..."

But it's way past 2AM,
and I'm still awake...
this time not writing a song.

Trying to make sense of these last few days...
And why everything seems to be falling apart.




WHY

WHY when I have tried to do nothing but love and show that I cared...
WHY would you dare tell me that I am not being considerate?
That I am being irrational...
I don't quite know how rational you are being.

Seems hypocritical, huh?

But you wouldn't know about that...
as you tell me to "quiet down"
"don't raise your voice."



I'm not! I'm not!
I'm trying... I'm trying to hear you.
To understand where you are coming from.


We've been friends for so long...
Good friends.
Great friends.

WHY.
WHY now?
WHY this?



WHY
when I need you the most..
when I tell you one thing that I have just.. like thirty minutes ago...
one thing I finally decided to open up to someone about.
Besides my dear, Jesus.

He's always been there.
And... no... the person I first confided in...
It wasn't you.

You seem mad.
WHY
Why would you be mad when I ask for a hug...
the one source of comfort I know would help...
but I wanted to find comfort in another's arms...
That hurt.
I know it did.
But it was purely friendship.


I don't know WHY
WHY you see things this way.

WHY
take it out on me...
The one you "care" for so deeply.

I'm done.
I'm through.
Can't deal with you.

I refuse to be controlled.
I hope you don't read this.
I refuse to be manipulated to the point of deep sorrow
once again.

This time by a dear friend,
not loved one.

Psalm 55
I know David was hurting when he wrote this.
I feel every bit of his pain.
And I relate.
Just as I relate to these songs.

This will never be the same.
Can it ever be the same?

I don't want it to be the same.
Cause you're not who I thought you were.