For you filmmakers out there, this blog title may ring a bell and stir up images of an unblemished, untampered with life that is examined through a lens. For the rest, maybe the avenue and medium of music will draw up clearer images. I know that today it did for me:
"When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive."
And I know this disconnected feeling. Whether it be with mental illness... or as a friend of mine shared about his experience as a veteran and the surreal life he lived whenever he returned home. Whatever it be, there is this feeling that cannot be easily described. And, at least to me, it was never welcomed or enjoyable.
I would yearn for the moments where connections were made and the day felt as if the moments that occured were worth living and being lived in the moment.
How do I delve deeper into the metaphors?
To long to take the pain, as long as it was something real, rather than just "living"... that was a battle.
But it was the life blurring by and swirling around in the guise of a movie that got me the most.
I was under some sort of fog. A plague of darkness that I hadn't told to leave and to put it in its place. There were compartments of "hurt and confusion" "guilt and shame" and "critical vs. self-critical" areas. During the process of breaking free these past couple of years, God has shown me that I "[can't] let this hurt and confusion take the place of my God." Meaning, the things that take up my time and the things that dominate the thinking in my mind are going to come from God, not my emotions.
But, God...
"Picked me up,
Turned me around...
And He placed my feet on the solid ground."
My mourning to joy... My guilt and shame to boldness and weightlessness... My anxiousness, to peace and feelings of abandonment to pure confidence in acceptance through the Body of Christ.
There is love.
There is rescue.
There is hope.
And, boy, if you haven't seen it yet, it's going to be GLORIOUS.
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