Shine

Made myself an encouraging playlist the other day... And it has been playing on repeat.

It's crazy how meditating on the truth and meaningful lyrics changes things.
There has definitely been a battle between my mind and what I hear and see around me. I feel like I'm  the subject of a Colbie Caillat song sometimes:

"Put your makeup on..."
"Get the latest styles..."
"So they like you (on Tinder or fill in the blank)..."

I'm so glad that I have my Savior and know my Father.
Without Him... I'd be lost.

I want to encourage young girls and even men to embrace who they are.
As I listened to Hawk Nelson's "Made" another battle raged on in my mind:
"What about all the imperfections? There is no way He could've created me in perfection! What if my friends challenge me about their 'imperfections' and say that there is not a God or ask why he made them that way?"

I hear the truth override. Why, when I look at them I don't see imperfection, but strength?
The world tries to mock and pick out faults. God gives me a heart to see the good, to see value and beauty. He did not create the imperfections... They came with the fall... Yet He loves. He loves His children with an unwavering, undying love. He sees beauty shine through the mire of challenges and faults. He is good, loving and faithful.

Trust Him and learn to love and rely on the beautiful Father in Heaven.

He loves you!

Effortless

"Effortless. Effortless, I say to you... My love, that's the way it is."

Simple truth in a word spoken to me by God through a dear friend back home.

I still remember that night. I felt neglected. God never had a special word for me... Or so I thought. Little did I know, He was about to speak lasting truth into my heart that would forever transform the way that I saw Him.

"The door stands open. I see you running. Take my hand, I'll lead you through."

How could I not realize I had been sitting in a prison I kept myself in?
The prison with invisible bars that my mind had created. The enemy laughed as it became easier for him, and day by day he had less of a task to perform as I beat myself up.

Yet, "it is for freedom He set me free".

Freedom.

We all long for it. But how many of us realize that it is not that far out of reach?

Another simple truth... Somewhat cliché... Words taken for granted:

"Seek first His kingdom and all else shall follow."

That is what replayed in my subconscious yesterday as I meditated on the fact that it was God and God alone that would lead, guide, and sustain me throughout the day.

And He did.

I made myself stop going against the grain and just let go.

I picked up my Bible, read His Word and said a prayer to start off the day.

I acknowledged His role and significance in my day.
"This is not my day, Lord, but Yours.... Thank you for it, God."

And like that... Everything fell into place. Peace rushed in like a river. No longer was I swimming upstream, struggling against a current that sought to pull me under.

Effortless... Effortless, I say to you.
His love... The easiest to take in,
If only you would open your heart to receive.

Don't let me go

It's always hard when "all that seems to matter is I don't feel [Him] anymore". But as much as I feel like God has pushed Himself away from me, I listen closely to that still, small voice. He asked, "why are you pushing me away? Why do you shove the door closed?"

It almost brings tears to my eyes knowing that you stand at the door of my heart waiting patiently and I have denied your entrance. Your love is the most beautiful I have ever known. You continue to love me with a steadfast love.

Why should I think or believe that you would reject me or ever stop loving me. You are the most kind and loving person I have ever known, Jesus.

Please don't ever let me go.

Reaching out

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."

Your love...
indescribable.
Your heart,
stretches across the reaches of the sky.

It drives me crazy how good You are, 
while all the while I stumble and have yet to prove faithful.

Sometimes I cry...
I cry at the thought of others not knowing You and Your love.

It has been the hardest to try to help my dear friend. I'm realizing more and more how I can't carry the weight. Some things are best when let go of. But they are not forgotten.

You see every tear. You calm my fears. You know my hurt and pain, and You definitely see his.
Sometimes I think that I could be the one to fix everything. Why? When I have seen how you have always gently carried me through trials and tribulation.

Jesus, I pray... please watch over my friend. I will continue to pray, though my heart is worn from the pain of rejection; he needs You more than I could fathom.

The gift of Life

Help me to remember that this is a gift.

Let everything that I do stem from that idea. Everything that flows from that posture will be extraordinary.

When you realize that this life is not yours in the first place, there is a humbling revelation. From there you have a choice: to continue living as if it were your possession, or to give it all away.

I don't know about you, but I would rather ... give it away.

Just the other day, as I was walking on campus, something struck me in this manner. I saw a dear friend pass by and thought, " what if I moved past selfish intention and went out of my way to make sure that others were loved?"

What kind of radical transformation would occur if we all took that to heart?

I'm longing for the day when we will be as one.

Children of Light

There is just so much to say... Where do I begin?

This weekend was one of the best. I got to hear from women from all different walks in life and ones that were serving in all different areas and places.

It's so crazy how God asks us all for a "Yes" but what that "yes" looks like for each person could be very different from another person's "yes". I also find it interesting how life seems to unfold. It is often synchronous with the way that God and his attributes are revealed. I discover so much about God through the circumstances and situations that happen in my life and through reliance upon Him.

I don't feel "inspired" right now to write, but I wanted to take this time to reflect because so much has happened. God has been so good. I found a job and a place to stay. I didn't get to the point of anxiety about those things because I had learned that God has always taken care of me and that worrying would not add anything or be beneficial, as it says in Matthew 6.

It's one thing to hear scripture, it's another to finally understand it.

I heard so many awesome testimonies this weekend.
They reminded me that God destined us each for greatness. It got me excited. And as we sang an inspired chorus, passion began to well up within me.

"Light wins over darkness... every time... every time!"

What had I worried myself about so many times?

I thought that the plans that God had for me required some great sacrifice and hardship...
While, yes, it may involve great sacrifice and hardship; there is a beauty to it.
I remembered my Jesus: how he gave everything for us at the cross.
God had everything under control.
He knew that He had to give His only son to bring us eternal life.
The enemy, Satan, thought that he had my Jesus defeated as He died on the cross.
Yet, little did he know, Jesus would rise again and take His place on the throne.
Light wins, always.

So, as I think about the things that may happen with trials and hardship, I remember that there is nothing to fear. There is nothing to worry about. My Jesus has victory.

Light wins... 
every time.

Communitas

What do you do
When you feel no one understands?
That feeling of being just a number or plain shade of grey
Jumbled together on a paint swatch with similar shades.
It's then that I am longing for a shared response
Or even an acknowledgement that assures me I am understood.
I don't need a "Jesus response".

Let me explain, because I feel it is very key to touch on the spiritual aspect
And to recognize how God's truth plays into a situation,
But there are times when I feel that I need a more practical response
Or something a little less generic.

Now I am seeing what people feel when a follower of Christ
tries to console those who may not fully understand God's love and grace.
There is a mutual exchange that must happen between individuals,
a surrendering of the fortress built to keep outsiders from seeing our innermost feelings and process of taking in confessions without judgement and preconceived notions.
These notions need not solely focus on the person but they can also be about the person's situation or story. No assumptions can be made about how circumstances are or how they should be until the whole story is heard out.

Of course we are not perfect and this is a learning process. I just hope that I can learn to actively listen more and respond in a helpful way. I also hope that I can learn to better share my story and feelings in a transparent manner.