_______

I know what I said.

That doesn't make it easy.

"Lord, whatever may come,

The way things are now,

or if I have to go back...

I know that you will see me through.

You are the same, either way, and I will praise you and follow you."

Mental illness, taking medicine, figuring your way through a place no one knows the answers to or has a guide that gives those answers we so long for... it's never easy.

Right now, and a lot of times I wake up lacking energy to actually get up. The worst feeling is the "block".

There is this feeling of feeling

blank.

The lack of feeling.

I'm still here, but I'm trapped, and no one can see that person...

Just the blank one.

The worst is reaching out to Jesus.
I try.

I pray.
I wait.
I sing.

But it's just never the same.

Sing, my soul!
O, how I love singing, but I can't...

I just can't connect.
I feel lost.
I hate this feeling.

I don't want to go back. I want to move forward.

But where do I go from here?

How do I possibly get out of this place?

I sing songs in the desert... in every season.