Ancient door

“Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors that the King of Glory may come in” –Psalm 24:7

Where were you two years ago?

It was the start of 2015, a new year, a marker for a new start, a chance to make something of the things that were beginning to feel like a jumbled closet mess. 

We all have them. 

Dreams. 

Things we hope to achieve or see in our lifetime. Yet, if we are not careful, they do have the tendency to be put aside or sit on shelves.

What happens to a dream deferred?

They remain sweet… every time they are returned to, they begin to stir a passion within.

Where were you at the end of 2015?

Celebrating the triumphs of accomplishments?

Or ready to give up?

For one reason or another, by the end of 2015 almost 45,000 people had had enough.

Suicide is an epidemic that is not isolated to this country. It affects the whole human race. But, what would cause such a wealth of creativity, strength and talent, man to come to the conclusion that he would need to terminate on his own his life, his one given opportunity to make a difference and make a change in this broken world?

It is a battle, a real struggle we are all in. We have all faced, whether we are willing to admit it or not, that cruel delay called depression. It may have looked different for you than it has for me, but there are key threads, a signature that rears its ugly head under the guise of your own thoughts.

“It’s not worth it, this life, too tragic, to difficult… You’ll never be able to make it to the end.  And if you do, you would not have accomplished much. Those things you have experienced, those tragedies, you’ll surely have more. Just like the last one, the next will be more than you can bear. Quit now and save yourself the pain.”

In every battle, every war, there is an enemy. It would be ridiculous not to acknowledge the enemy in a war, or to infer that the pain was inflicted by your own doing. You have to wake up and realize…

This is NOT going to get any easier.

The only way that the struggle will be one that you can be victorious over and own authority in, is if you let the one who won the ultimate victory over death rule and reign in your heart. Now, you have a decision to make…

Will you wake up, look at your day and say,

“This is a day full of potential!” ?

Will you choose to say,
“Father, the sacrifice you made on the cross,

The gift you gave,

Life,

Is enough for me”?

We are the youth of the nation.

We are a Joshua generation.

We are the generation that will make the choice

The choice to seek the face of the God of Jacob,

The choice that will make or break it.

So, make the choice.

Swing wide the gate of your heart,

Let the King of Glory in,

And choose to be a door that heaven can flood through on this earth, in this day and age.

Zion

When I was younger I knew I was loved.

I danced without fear. I did things without thinking about anything anyone else would think. When you know you're loved... Nothing else matters.

Something happens as we grow. We start to wear the complaints and views others have of us. But the thing is, "others" don't know all about you. Only the one who made you knows all the ins and outs and the ways you work best. We spend too much time checking to see if we are doing things right according to other people, seeking approval from those around us, when the one who can give us the love we need is a call away.

There is a sense of adventure in all of us. There are dreams and visions we all hold on to.

The greatest adventure lies with the Creator, recreating the world around us...
Holding onto to hope for others,
Showing them their value,
Bringing light to the darkness.

"Do not fear, Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.
The Lord your God is with you,
The Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
In His love He will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing."
-Zephaniah 3:16-17

// Delight in me,
You delight in me.
Your beauty overwhelms,
You stir the seas
Write on the skies
Cover the mountaintops with snow,
And you delight in me.

I am loved,
And I am nothing without this love...
Nothing without You, Lord.
You have transformed me and all the ways I thought things were.
You have made this heart to dance,
These burdens flee,
This mouth to praise.
You, O Lord, have done a work in me.
Now I will forever be
Yours. //

Zion

"Do not fear, Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.
The Lord your God is with you,
The Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
In His love He will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing."
-Zephaniah 3:16-17

Delight in me,
You delight in me.
Your beauty overwhelms,
You stir the seas
Write on the skies
Cover the mountaintops with snow,
And you delight in me.

I am loved,
And I am nothing without this love...
Nothing without You, Lord.
You have transformed me and all the ways I thought things were.
You have made this heart to dance,
These burdens flee,
This mouth to praise.
You, O Lord, have done a work in me.
Now I will forever be
Yours.

Falling upon the wind.

Moments like this stick in my mind like vivid paintings hung in a prized gallery.

My heart flooded with questions in the night as I reflected upon the day...

What is it that gets me stuck at times?
"You try too hard."
I heard it with the ever-welcoming gentlest voice.

"Let go. Let me have you and just be."

A lesson I hope to excel in as I remember why I am here. I think about all those He wants me to aid and walk through life with, the conversations I will have seasoned with grace and the beauty I will see in His redemptive plan.

Daughter of the King.

Here it comes again...

That joy that bubbles up,
surfacing like sea foam when the wave hits the shore.

That's who I am,
one of the many waves in the sea of His endless love.

Better watch out when I come crashing into you
Cause His love is wild, fierce and strong.

I have been pondering on this thought though...
Who am I, truly?

Sarah King, daughter of the King.

Just like royalty should,
I will fight for the people.

I won't stop until His kingdom comes.
His love, unrelenting, will drive me out to the wildest of places to rescue, seek and save the lost.

I'm on a grand adventure with my Beloved.

I'm fierce and strong, with the gentleness of a motherly lion.
I'm calm but silly, making the moments count.
I observe, love to listen to stories and help shine light on the positive aspects in those stories...
Spurring people on with encouraging observations and agreeing with the vision and hope they already see.

I am a worshipper,
Delighting in my Savior with songs of praise...
I am usually not one to dance, but when my God fills me with His love,
I can't help but jump and spin.
I love to sing new songs, to be like a songbird:
Filling my lungs with the breath of Life and exhaling sweet melodies and harmonies.

I am a lover of nature, but not just appreciating it from afar...
I delight in sinking my feet in a cold, rushing stream...
Paddling through a bay...
Rushing down a snowy mountain, full speed,
And carving away at the powder beneath me...
Sprinting in autumn weather, racing with a soccer ball before me...

And of course...
I love writing.
While, I may tell other peoples stories through film I love to explore the hidden beauty of different aspects of life, to unearth layers of treasure in the things He teaches me. There's always something deeper and something new to learn about life, my God and His love.

If I could write down the beauty that God created in me, that is how I would describe myself. It took days of trudging through discouragement and depression to see that there is way more to me than the diagnosis I was given and the hardships in life that I have faced. I do, however, see how God used things for good and redeemed my situation many times before. I am ever grateful for this life and His love.

Thou art with me.

"...you're going to be so strong after all of this!"

I stared up at the moon as we gripped the curves of the dark road. My brother continued to calm me as we continued this irrational conversation.

Stronger.

At the time, I felt strong. In my mind there were no limits to what God could do through me. They say that people's true colors come out when they are under the influence... well, when your mind is pressed hard enough, there is also a certain transparency to your being.

There was, what I believed, a threat to my family and nothing was going to come in between me and them that night. I was enjoying the day with them one moment, and the next fear crept in. The next few days I fought a battle in my head.

Those three days were the longest of my life.

My mind was stretched in ways that I cannot explain. The amount of stress that I bore, I cannot again. And I could go into detail about each hour of my mind unwinding in insanity, but that is not the purpose of this post...

Some write to express in words what they cannot form with their lips, with a certain eloquence that builds as they unravel the layers from a tangled mystery.

Some write to declare with great joy the delight and beauty found in life.

I write to do the same, to slow down as I tread water and remember to breathe. Then, to turn back to the shore and shout, "the water's just fine, jump right in!"

I write with hopes that you will read that despite great difficulties, the journey is indeed a grand one.


"I don't believe you've brought me this far to leave me."




I was holding on to the moment that supernatural power would come; that strength that would outlast the storms... and it did come. I began to trust in God, that He would bring down every wall.

And He did.

But then I found that I would start to sink... and in my sinking,

I forgot to breathe.

I forgot to cling to the One I knew would make me strong, and practice the things He taught me.

But in His grace, He showed me that He was taking me somewhere new.

The nest had become a little too comfortable.

And it was time. Time to FLY.

This time as I looked back, I saw Jesus. So many days spent aching from the thought that maybe He had abandoned me. I used to wonder why He didn't sweep in and rescue me, when He did... He just didn't come when I thought He would. But He was always there... quieting me with His love.

I heard a mother tell a story of her child that was rushed to the emergency room. She said the doctors told her she had two tasks and asked if she could do them. One was to hold the child's head still during a scan and the other was to keep talking to him. She agreed, without a second thought. And as the child fought to keep with her, she spoke into his eyes with love.

As she told that story, I was taken back to the time I was in the hospital.

I awoke to a dark room. My eyes could not even stay open, but I cried out:
"Jesus. Jesus. Jesus."

And He was there. Holding me still. Lessening the pain.

I used to think maybe he had abandoned me in that moment, but I see now that I was crying out for Him as He was in the room with me.  Though I was in a struggle to find peace and keep conscious, He was there comforting me:
"Hold on. I'm here child! Child, I'm here."

Stronger.

"After all of this you're going to be so strong."

The paramedic said as she helped me onto the gurney. Little reminders that He never left me. His voice carried through words of encouragement.

Ye, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
I will not fear.
For thou art with me.

Lead me through

The chatter of creatures are indistinct as I find my footing on this slick ground.

Your light reaches... but I can only see so far.

(https://www.flickr.com/photos/brandonhirsch/)

Excitement rushes through my veins. I breathe in the cool, brisk air of adventure. Fear is but a driving factor as I navigate through the caverns.

Darkness surrounds me, but I have an assurance. I have promise of the other side and a heart full of exhilaration. O, the journey that awaits!

These past couple of weeks I have been faced with darkness and doubt that I have not experienced my whole life. I found myself asking why these questions were in my heart or why they were surfacing and why now?

Then I realized, just as Nehemiah faced mocking from Sanballat, when you are making the most progress or when you are doing what is right in the face of wrongdoing you will face opposition. Sometimes life seems ironic or paradoxical. Things that should go one way, go another. At the most inopportune moments, the unexpected happens.

And the worst of all...

Sometimes the battle is all in the mind.

Around me, the sun shined, but the cave surrounded my mind and the darkness clouded out the view.

I couldn't understand why those thoughts were happening when my life was pleasant. Then I began to see others' posts and hear of others' struggles. I always knew that the things we faced individually would one day help others corporately. In fact, I held on to that as part of what spurred me on. Jesus, my anchor, the thought of helping others to freedom, my goal;and the vision of seeing His kingdom come, my song. Music lifts the spirits and inspires. If I had a theme song it would consist of folky stringed instruments and people harmonizing as if they were one voice.

Sometimes I think of the verse in Proverbs 31 about laughing at "the time to come" and it strengthens me. The chapter is iconic and what most Christian women hope to be and for some reason, this verse sticks with me. Maybe it's the season I find myself in... emboldening, strengthening, and growing in maturity. I no longer have the choice to cower, but stand firm and refuse to be shaken in the midst of these taunts and distractions.

The battle of the mind is never an easy one, but the most rewarding thing in it is realizing the progress and how far from "Egypt" you have travelled. No longer a slave to fear, I shake off the doubt and shame. When pressure arises, I press in to my Father; my guide and Savior who is greater.

I find myself in the heart of the caverns at times. The walls seem to close in. But I know You are near, and the Light of Your Truth is my guide.